Not a hero...but a zero

A mother is awoken in the middle of the night with a startling thought. As the winds blow hard outside she pictures the large pine tree standing just 15 feet from her house swaying back and forth. Next her vision moves to it crashing through her roof and landing right on her sleeping 11year old daughter. These things happen...i mean..we all see the tragic stories on the news. Now the question the mother asks herself over and over...is this a divine glimpse into the future or is this only the product of an imagination that has watched way too much television? Lying in bed going back and forth between feeling insane and the possible fame of following a spiritual notion..a premonition. After seeing the anguish his wife is experiencing, her husband gets out of bed and gently wakes their sleeping daughter. He softly gives a basic explanation and leads her to sleep in the living room on the new and comfortable couch. With this the mother is able to fall back to sleep knowing that the winds can blow and her children are now safe. Just think...if and when the tree crashes through her roof. She will be praised as a hero. She will be giving interviews how she was awoken and lead to save her family by divine instruction.
Alas...instead..i woke up to my house perfect. The tree stood strong a waved back and forth as if to mock me. I guess it is confirmed that i am neurotic. I sit back and as i explain to my children what happened that i look like a crazy person. They actually laughed and said they love that i loved them enough to make sure no one was squished by an impending falling tree.

Haiku to Chilli Cheese Fries

Salty and cheesy
Yet so deliciously good
Ignored how greasy

Awoke in the night
Intestines in a revolt
Too late for penance

All filled with regret
Popping Bentyl like Pez
Have learned my lesson

Just a small smackerel?

I guess its a bad sign when i ate my sandwich at 9:30 am. To make it all worse is i sit across from the kitchen and i am smelling someones yummy lunch. All i want is pizza right now. The tragic part to this story is that pay day is tomorrow. I am flat broke with $2 in my purse. I have barely enough gas to get home tonight. And even that might be a crap shoot. I  cant even drive to McDonald's to partake in the dollar menu. *tear* It's a sad story filled with woe and weeping....but hey...it forces me to not regret my eating choices.

Except for at this moment i could eat a whole wildabeast.  That probably has a lot of calories, carbs, sodium and any other shit i think makes food delicious.

Pez?

I am pretty sure that when people walk into my office they dont expect what they see. A matter a fact, i know this because it was said just yesterday. My office has wind up toys, stuffed animals and candy spilling over my desk. My take is that life is too short. It is over in a blink of an eye.  I will enjoy it and laugh and smile and find enjoyment wherever i can. I think its pretty obvious that is how I live my life.  So, in knowing this why would anything suprise anyone? A couple days ago while waiting in line at Wal mart, i spied pez dispensers on the bottom shelf of a rack in the check out line. My natural and first response was to excitingly say (in my head, of course) " oooo i love pez". But then my grown up side said "seriously? Your not fucking 10". As i stood in line with a box off Puffs plus lotion tissues for my sore and stuffy nose and packages of feminine products falling out of my arms (hey, i have a house full of teenage girls and i always REFUSE to get a cart stupidly believing i don't need one. I tell myself the lie we all are guilty of saying; Im gonna be in and out with only 2 items). I began the debate with my two inner voices. It was a very fast debate. I believe the childish side of me won by throwing a tantrum.  So, i bent down and looked through the rows of princess pez faces looking up at me until i found the one i wanted. The princesses werent calling to me. They had smug and pretentious smiles just because they were manufactured as royalty. Then i saw a plain little girl smile of what the package says is Strawberry Shortcake but i beg to differ. Thats the one.  So i piled my selections neatly onto the conveyor belt and carried them home. At work the next day, me and Strawberry Shortcake were ready to face the day. I decided to offer everyone who steps into my office a Pez. So when the unsuspecting victim walks into my office to discuss serious matters i listen closely. After hearing there request,  i pick up my trusty Pez and proceed to bent her little blond haired head back and pop one of the little candy treats into my mouth. As soon as i do this i tilt the dispenser towards my guest and offer  "pez"? This usually stops them in mid sentence. Then the question is who will win the debate in their heads?

I will not sit on an exercise ball at work

What is it about back pain that makes you feel like an old witch ? I dont know how i hurt my lower back, but i have.  Im not saying im old. Im just saying as soon as i hit 41 on Sunday,  my back decided it was really 85. I think it is counting my age in dog years.  The worst part is...i didn't do anything strenuous.  I noticed the ouch- ness after sitting at my computer typing for a long amount of time. I think i was a bit stressed too. Does that matter? Ever since that day o' work = pain. That settles it..it doesn't pay to be a dedicated employee. Do you think anyone would notice if i A.) Layed on the floor in my office acting as if it isnt odd or B.) I sat at my desk bent over like Quasimodo. I will refrain from calling out "Sanctuary!!!".

Road rage - (dbl R, i would so kick ass in scrabble)

I think, for the most part, that i am pretty kind and considerate. I hold doors for people and always remember to say please and thank you. I want people to know i appreciate them and care about them. Ok, with that being said...i do not happily submit to forceable kindness. I think it sucks when a person inches their way into making you be nice to them. This morning i sat in bumper to bumper traffic for 20 minutes just to get my daughter to school. After dropping her off i jumped right back into to traffic line. A young guy (aka dick head) in a huge black pick up decided he shouldnt have to wait. So...he did that pull out in front of you deal where the only option is to slam on the  breaks and let him go.  My reaction: flip him the bird. This is an action i highly do not recommend or even do. I learned my lesson in Chicago when my husband did it to a guy cutting us off by O'hare airport. That was a tense moment that i knew we were gonna die...except my sons innocent face in the back seat saved us from a gruesome scenerio.  Thankfully the dick head i flipped the bird to today drove on without retaliation.  I can not believe that reaction popped out so quickly.  I mean, a cursing inside my car peppered with words of profanity....yes...but a hand gesture? Sooo not me. 

Stealing kindness must be discouraged. It could save a life.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by the letter "R".

Nothing gold can stay

I am a firm believer in the saying, "you're only as old as you feel". I usually feel young and great..like I'm in my 20's.. alright.. late 20's. Dejectedly until 4 days ago.  I was blow drying my hair and I bent over to dry it faster. When I stood up I got the worst pain in my neck. I may have whipped my hair back and forth like Willow Smith said to, thus creating the physical pain I was encountering.  I stood there holding my neck in disbelief that just flipping my hair back and forth caused such fucking pain. Literally my hair was a pain in my neck. Now here it is days later and it still hurts like hell causing me to turn to the left like Frankenstein. Last night as I lay my aching neck on the heating pad, I dozed off watching TV. (yes....Like an old lady) When I was startled awake by a commercial that was way too loud, I took some vitamins and supplements and went to bed like I have for years. For some unknown reason my body DID NOT agree with my choice of Iron supplements. I woke up at 3:30 a.m. with heartburn and a tummy ache. As I lay in bed, I thought to myself "damn it, today I feel old".  Did I mention I had to have a baby tooth pulled? Now I have a gap in my teeth.  sigh, yes, its true. So, I can no longer have lotsa lactose, sleep through anything, drink liquor or dance like I used to. Matter a fact I sit here in a bent over sad and painful contorted position on my couch almost in an upright fetal position.  I say alas, today.. I feel 105. I will take my blood thinning 325mg of asprin, take out my false teeth and curl up under an afghan in my quiet bedroom. After a great Xanex induced sleep I will wake up and feel like I am 28 again. :)

Does this make me a grown up now?

It's a sad day when on my first day off...I wake up at 7am with a slept to long headache.  I love to sleep and I love my bed. I have always been able to be a marathon sleeper. I could do a run of 10 hrs with no prep time or stretching. Then came along the sleep nemesis... a job. Now my days off and weekends are filled with early morning sunlight and fulfilling "productive" tasks.  One Saturday, only one, I actually was done cleaning shit and it was only 11am. I don't know when this happened or how I can make it stop.  I think it must be a slow progression like getting fat, it doesn't happen over night. I feel like I blinked and now I am a grown up. I will not go gracefully into this category. I will never be heard uttering parental phrases like "get up! the days a waistin'" or "you're sleepin the day away". No, I will be envious of those still cuddled in their beds snoozing all while I ... *sigh*...am being productive.

It's not water boarding if it's out of love

I don't know how.. but I have become one of those people that loves their pet. I am in love with our bunny. Her actual name is Mocha, even though I like to lengthen her name and call her Mochachino. I find myself giving her kisses before I leave for work and stopping by the store to get her new toys and snacks. I realized today that it is full blown love and that perhaps I treat her better than humans. A few nights ago she has got a dirty schnozzola. I had this great idea of getting a warm wash cloth and quickly wiping her snuffleupagus. Apparently that was not a welcomed idea by my daughter (the real owner of MY hausenfeffer) . She quickly snapped... "NO Mom you are not going to water board the bunny!" I guess I hadn't thought of it like that. How 'bout a warm shower or putting her head over a warm steam vaporizer or even a tea kettle? None of these ideas were acceptable. All of these genius ideas were only formed out of love for Mochachino and her yucky nose. Oh well.. I guess she will just have goo stuck to her fur..even though it looks icky. It's ok, I still love her and she loves me.

Use the force

Today I dropped my Taco Bell Cinnamon twists on the passenger side floor in my car. I sadly looked at them sprinkled across my floor mat. I stretched my arm out and tried so hard to move them with Jedi powers. I tried using my Yoda voice...tried curling my fingers filled with  magical powers...I tried staring at them intently. I even tried to beg them. Nothing worked. The sprinkled cinnamon lying across my seat and flowing onto the floor taunted me.  I leaned over and grabbed the ones I could reach. I mean, the 5 second rule didn't apply in my car.. would it?

One day, I will have mind control and I will be able to raise a cinnamon twist. I know it to be so.....

too be continued......

Mothers name? Date of birth?

Faster than a speeding bullet....my nerves are spent.  Children have a way of bombarding a parent with questions. This tandem asking for help as they fill out their school forms has brought me to my knees. Why do schools do this every year. Asking the same questions....over and over. If my kids were actually listening,they would hear that the other one has just asked THE SAME THING 5 minutes earlier. But alas, no i answer and before i am done speaking blammo...the other is asking. Now, i do not blame these little precious gifts from God...im just saying...UGGGGGGHHHH. Time for a xanex.

Oh Ebay, how I love thee

When I was a little girl my sister and I had a play kitchen. My mom had given us real but old, faded, chipped dishes and accessories. This was the 70's and if they made play dishes, I wouldn't know about it. Obviously, those type of items were reserved for the elite families with children that had real big wheels and pretty barbie dolls. Michele and I, unfortunately had the hippy and far cheaper version of dolls called the Sunshine family.  My mom tried so hard to sell us on how these dolls were better than Barbie. She bragged about there hinged and bendable knees. The doll father looked a lot like the dad from the Brady Bunch and when I tried to dry his afro in the bathroom heater it melted into a sick and deformed wig. I was not sold on their superior attributes.

One of the coolest things our play kitchen had was this pair of wooden salt and pepper shakers. They were always our favorite and more than one little girl WWF smack down happened over who got to claim them for their own in play land. Eventually they were long since given away just like the scene in Toy story. Etched in my mind, I never have forgotten them. Years ago, while being forced to go through an antique store with my sister, I saw a familiar face.  I saw Salty and Peppy.  Since that fate-filled day my collection has grown. And thanks to the wonders of Ebay and the interweb I can shop in my underwear. Recently, I purchased a porcelain pair of Salty and Peppy. They come in all sizes, styles and colors. I had to own them. Well, so apparently no one else shares my obsession for 1970's nostalgic salt and pepper shakers with little faces. I was the only bidder and won my prize and added them to my collection in the china cabinet.

Really?!

Really Victoria Secret bra lady?  Really? At my age do you think your gonna tell me I am wearing the wrong size bra? Do you think this is the Oprah Winfrey show or an article in Glamour? That was soooo 10 years ago.  I have evolved and learned from the error in the ways of my female predecessors. The other 80% of women that have wandered through life incorrectly covering and lifting their bosoms. So I came in happily to accept my free panties and use my $10 off a bra coupon. I was like a lamb to the slaughter immediately. I was greeted by no less than 2 women....no..they are girls... walking around in professional attire. I began shopping. I guess i was looking uncertain of my own bra confidence.  I should have known the universal sign of an imposition. She had the measuring tape slung around her tiny young neck as if Victoria herself had knighted her with the secret of breast knowledge.  I fell for it. I was bamboozled into going behind the curtain.  5 bras and 3 new size tries later...it was decided i WAS maybe right with my current size.  Really? To add insult to injury...someone took my coupon and panties off of the chair. Yes, walked away with my freebies. Really?? Tiny Amanda could sense my frustration. Perhaps it was because i slowly was wrapping her tape measure around her neck. No no...not really but DEFIANTLY in my mind. They were kind enough to give them to me anyhow.  I walked out sweaty,annoyed,  no new sexy bra and only with my freebie consolation prize of cheeky hipster panties.  Really VS???

News Bulletin

Women falls to her death in work bathroom.  It appears that the culprit is her fabulous grey peep toe stilletos.  Allegedly the victim was pulling up her pants when the heel of her right shoe became lodged in the bottom back cuff. A struggle ensued where as she fell against the door and succumb to her injuries. Cause of death: humiliation and embarrassment.  More at 11...

Blue billy goats gruff

Watch "Goat Meets Electric Fence" on YouTube

There is something that gets me laughing about goats. I crack a smile just walking past them. I think the fainting goats are pretty damn funny too. I would love to startle one in person and see him fall out stiff legged. Giggle...im already smiling.  But, I  don't know if it is their eye balls going in different directions or how amazingly empty it appears to be behind the cockeyed gaze. Any way you lay it out...they are funny.  This particular video can make me giggle anytime and anyplace. 

How many licks does it take?

Sometimes I am a sucker for marketing. Not always.. but sometimes. For example, the new Maybelline air mousse make up had me at hello. Maybe it's because it looks like one of my favorite things in the world... chocolate mousse. I don't even wear foundation. Today, I bought it. I am very anxious to foam it up in my hand and try it tomorrow. My only challenge will be to fight the urge to lick it.

Keepin' it legal

I just want to put a big thank you out to those driving the speed limit in the left lane on the highway. I really appreciate your attempt to avoid a speeding ticket for you and all those forced to follow behind you. Thank you, but now move the fuck over.  Maybe i am willing to risk a ticket.  Maybe i desperately want to support the state with a payment in my honor to the court or DMV. The only thing worse or even more annoying are those just barely going over the posted speed. They will go 2-5 over...but NOT a mph more. I can almost hear them saying "you can go around me". No..no i cant if you keep up with the cars in the slow lane. Seriously? Dont save me from myself...save yourself from your Geico deductible when someone plows into you to get around you.

Look...all i know is...i got shit to do and your clippin my wings.....Im a peacock and I've gotta fly!!!

Multiplicity

It's a damn shame that science hasn't figured how to make clones of people.  I know they cloned the sheep, but that aint the kind i mean. I mean the kind like in the movie with Michael Keaton. I know the movie was a tad lacking...but the premise was genius.  If only i could have 1 me be at work making the money, 1 me to be home being super mom and wife...then the real me...is free!  I could be at six flags with friends or doing who knows what! I would switch it up so no one realizes they have the clone me. Man...i will think on that one for a minute.

Naw..but then something would go wrong. One of the "me's" would go rogue and reek havoc. I would suddenly be in compition for my own families love because the other one is better than the real me.  I mean...she is science altered and genetically better. I mean...let us not forget Steve Austin..the bionic man. He was pretty perfect.  I could never compete with that...and when i run i never hear that sound to show my super sonic moves.

So...back to just being me..no clone, no super abilities.  Im just a lone superhero....a mom, wife, friend,daughter...aka Wonder Woman. If only i could rock that costume........

Damn good times

Sometimes a picture can stop you in your tracks. I was rolling along on my Friday morning. When I came across pictures of a good friend of mine that died at 17. The minute i saw his picture a twing of hurt hit my heart. I hadn't thought of him in awhile. The picture is exactly how i remember him. The guy i laughed with and partied with.
So much can flood back to us with a simple picture.  Feelings and memories of times past. Our brains are amazing. Just one group of photos and i am right back to being 16. Memories of skipping school and hanging together with friends. I can see a smile and almost hear the laugh. I am thankful that i have these memories.  I have known some great people over my lifetime and continue to meet more every day.
Good times with good people is truly priceless.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mIP7ySBXBg

Its just an ice cream cone

Absolutely no man can look hot or sexy eating an ice cream cone. After my visit at Dairy Queen yesterday, i came to that conclusion. Women on the other hand, always look like they are being seductive or nasty. Men watch as if they are at the Playboy mansion.

I had pictures to prove my theory but decided against um. Maybe if i posted them with the black bar across their eyes...a "what not" to do while licking an ice cream cone.

In search of...

Contrary to what some people might say, it does not take much to make me happy. For example, on Saturday I had many things make my day turn into an EPIC day. One of my very favorite things to do is get a small frosty from Wendy's and french fries. Dipping the hot salty fry into the cold sweet frosty is just magical. But no.. wait that is not all that made me chair dance in my truck seat with happiness. I also bought sweet and sour sugar coated gummy worms. Again, the combo of sweet and another thing.. I see a theme in my taste buds. Oh how I do love candy.  Now the final item that made my day was not an ordinary object. This was a quest. I have gone to stores in search of this holy grail. I decided to go to a Home Depot to see if they had this gem. I walked down the isles looking desperately for my merchandise o'bliss.  I began to walk away, sad that they did not apear to have the item I so wanted.  But wait, what was that?? There it was. It was the very last item on the ground.  My yard pink flamingos. These were not like the typical plastic ones that I was prepared to purchase (if ever found). These ones were even better. They are wire outline and in the center of their pink belly is a solar light. It glows a deep pink at night. Oh no you didn't.... did I just hear you sigh and say "tacky" in that tone?? No, not tacky. Amazing. I plan on putting them in new and wild places all through out my yard. One day they might be on the trampoline, one day maybe by the mailbox kissing. It will be a where's waldo of pink flamingos. Yes.. AMAZING. This simple day, made me very very happy. And last night when I went out to see their soft glow, I smiled and did a little hop. 

Next... a garden gnome in Capitals hockey garb.

Busy doing nothing

I had a very busy Sunday. It was a day filled with nothing in particular. It was lazy and relaxing and I spent it with my family. I love days filled with nothing. Sometimes they are exactly what is needed.  I know, the weather was pretty and at times through out the day I looked outside with a twinge of guilt.  I almost could hear my dad's voice barking about how I needed to go outside and enjoy the day. But no, I made my son's favorite breakfast (Shit on a shingle aka: Chipped beef on toast) and enjoyed the company of my offspring.  The living room air was filled with the chatter of everyone wanting to tell the next family update. Each person had a nugget to share with everyone. I love these days and I love my family. Isn't this really what life is about??

Almost famous

All this time, I assumed no one was reading my blog. I found out last night that a person, A REAL person, reads my ramblings. A person not related, in love with me, idolizing, stalking or even contractually obligated to support me. Matter a fact they didnt even have to like me or make mention that they read. So, needless to say it made my night. Thank you to the few little readers. When i am famous, i will remember you and maybe mention you in my accepting the nobel prize speech.
*Queens wave*

Cherished O Neg

I dont wanna brag...but I have great blood. I have the type that they try and hunt me down. I get emails, phone calls, letters. What can i say, they want me. I have always given blood ever since i was old enough. I think its a great thing to do for humanity. Now to the true reason most give. ...I think the best thing about giving blood is the yummy treats they give you. I know i should mostly be satisfied that i helped save a life. And i am. But,  they have pizza and mint fudge sticks! As i sit here waiting for my #14 to be called i am watching a man chow down. I think he hasnt eaten in a week. He has had a couple slices of pizza and at least 3 bags of various goodies.  I guess its a fair trade off to allow him to stuff his over weight face since they took a pint he wasnt even needing.  Ooops they called my name

Multi tasking

My mind is perpetually spinning.  I never have nothing on my mind. Never. Sleep and rest is an on going nightly battle. I woke up early this morning to my brain multi tasking.  It was bouncing between: 1. The cracked screen on my broken phone. IE:how i will transfer all of my texts and stuff to the new bionic. Man...i shouldn't have waited so long...now its a holiday and i have to wait...hmmm how can i get around that detail.
2. Today is July 4th. Last year my life was so different and tragically dysfunctunal...lets ponder on that a minute...a moment in retrospect.
3. Laser pointer pens. How can i prevent them from being taken and lost at work by the prosecutors . If i put on a label...what should it say? "Get your damn hands off this laser pointer!" (In a George McFly voice when confronting Biff)
4. I should really bring pasta salad to my parents tonight instead of potato salad.

Disclaimer : in real time all of these thoughts happened in about 3 minutes.

Welcome to me.  It is a small glimpse into my random crazy thoughts that bounce around in my brain. It is always like this. So, when someone looks at my deep in thought face and asks..."what are you thinking about?" My reply should be I'm  just thought multi tasking. Would that be thought tasking?

Hmmm...now i will think on combining words to make unusual silly combinations. Thus the spinning continues............

No talking

Wow. Not talking for 20 minutes while i whitened my teeth was damn near impossible for me. Trying to tell my daughters to comb their hair and pack their bathing suit was a game of charades. They didnt get it and i realized im really bad at that game.

Man hole explosions

I avoid man holes and any form of grate in the streets. I thought about it today as i walked around a man hole on the sidewalk.  I do this because i remember the news story of exploding man hole covers in Washington DC. And then there was the guy walking his dog and poor puppy got electrocuted. Ain't that some luck? Just walking along walking the dog or drinking a chia latte and wham-o a man hole cover explodes and kills you. Your poor family would have to explain that one over and over.  So.  Im not taking any chances. I will walk around and let the next brave person walk unknowingly onto peril.

Listen to the rhythm

Today as I drove home I saw the leaves on the trees flipping upside down to show the under side. I think this is one of my most favorite things. When a storm blows through I get excited with anticipation. There is something amazing and hypnotic about a rain storm. When my son was young and storms would roll through Portsmouth, Va. they were loud and strong. Him and I would sit out on the porch and feel the rain spray back up to us as it fell hard on the ground.  Each boom of thunder made us jump a little. I still do the same thing with my daughters. When it began to rain last night, I had to open the window just so I could hear the "rhythm of the falling rain telling me what a fool I've been...". I love to feel the wind blow through my hair and across my face. I love to feel the mist of rain as the beginning of the storm drizzles down on me. There is something romantic and amazing about kissing in the rain or  giving an extended tight embrace.  I love the rain.

Fake is so transparent

I know for A FACT that i am very flawed. I also know that i never have any room to judge or cast stones.  I accept this and try like hell to never ever look down on or judge anyone. It bothers me...ok...pisses me off when i see people look at others situations and speculate that they know what is going on. I am gonna go ahead and speak for us flawed, slightly askew people that are trying to make it through this life. Shove your faux perfect life.  No one has all the answers or the keys to life. We are all trying to muddle through a day to day existence  in search of contentment and happiness. Stop assuming you know so much and have it all together. You're looking in a carnival mirror and seeing a perfect life that is not reality.  Step away and look close at reality...your not so happy or great either.

Im done...im off my soap box ..yeesh...i coulda fallen off and hurt myself. :)

Entitlement

Since your askin...yes, I do think that bleeding from my vagina like a stuck pig DOES give me the right to be bitchy.

Sorry to those i just alienated due to the slap of feminine reality. Truth makes all of us feel uncomfortable sometimes.

To all of my fellow kotex wearers, we should embrace the right to be a tad bit unpleasant during these times...just go with it. Those around us should be thankful that orange jumpsuits look good on no lady.

My drive to work

I have a very long commute into work (about an hour and fifteen minutes). Its a 2 lane road the whole way. I know where every single passing lane is and know how much space needed to blow around cars. It makes me so happy when i am able to pass the slow cars. I get a smile that my car has power and i left the pokey car in my rear view mirror. Its the little things in life.

At the same time....i have a short fuse driving. Im not saying chicken killer crazy playing bumper cars or showing my 9. I simply mean....the words that fall out of my mouth could make a sailor blush. It was brought to my attention this morning as i was taking my teenage daughter to school. Let me explain my case. A car was at a stop sign and she clearly was nervous about pulling out. I felt my blood start to boil. I kept my mouth shut and tried to listen as my baby told me a school related story. The car inched forward like it was gonna go. It was a clear chance to pull out. She didn't pull out. I snapped and in the middle of hearing an innocent story by my baby girl....i yelled "go ya whore". Yeah. Im not proud...but hey...the car pulled out. I turned to my daughter and said " I'm sorry... momma has no filter when driving". Seriously, shes a teenager...I am so so sure shes heard worse. I'm just sure it isn't being referred to an old lady in a Camry by her dear ole mom.

Mouth filter

We all think things and really want to say them but our filter wont let us. The filter is the voice of reason. It says..."yo...that is not cool to say out loud" or "now that is crossing the invisible line ". There are certain lines that when crossed, you can not return from.  Last night, in a frustrated state i made a comment and was fired back on with such anger it left me reeling. It made me remember one of my personal rules...always. second guess kind gestures...it means you owe them something now. A "favor" by definition is: 1. something done or granted out of goodwill, rather than from justice or for remuneration; a kind act and 2. A gift bestowed as a token of kind regard and love. Please don't hold it over a persons head as if they owe you something now. If you offer as kindness, then expect nothing in return even if after 3-4 weeks of waiting for that favor ...they grow impatient.  Its human nature. Turn the tables and put yourself in the other persons shoes. You might see things very differently.

Swedish addiction

Hello, my name is Melissa.. and Im addicted to Swedish Fish.  I had never even heard of a swedish fish until my youngest daughter tried them at the ripe old age of 3.  They quickly became her favorite. Now, I admit, I am a candy junky. I will eat Pop Rocks any day of the week and force anyone around me to hear the crackles and pops. I think it actually annoys most people.. this only fuels the pleasure for me. I love Fun Dip. It's  powder is my heroin. If the stick breaks,I can dump it directly into my mouth. The stick was more of a suggestion than a requirement anyhow. Now.. back to Swedish Fish. I tried to walk away.. I did, I swear. I decide I would only take a couple. Each time I passed the open bag the little fish called to me. I tried to ignore it.. then they winked at me. Curses Swedish Fish and your gummy, sweet goodness! I think I need a rehab. I have red gummy stuck between my teeth and the sugar rush has my heart pounding like a jack-rabbit. I am a junky.. I gotta have another.

Work place etiquette

There should be unwritten rules that a person just knows about working in an office. There should be seminars about these just like the sexual harassement seminars we are all forced to attend yearly. I think the first topic should be about food you cook in the microwave. Certain foods are just NOT ok to heat up. As I just walked to the water cooler I was overwhelmed by a duo of horrible scents. First there was the oh so fragrent smell of obvious broccoli. Then as I walked further down the hall, and closer to my office I was assaulted by the smell of tuna. Really? You HAVE to heat up the tuna in a microwave.. at work? My nose was trying to escape. It was wishing someone would play the childish game of "I got your nose" and really rip it off this time. Suddenly I am not hungry. Maybe its because now someone is heating up a frozen concoction of teryaki , curry and shrimp. Gag

Wolverines!!!!!!

Never blogged and look at me now.. another post. I guess I am  more sheep like than I had previously thought.  does this make me hypocritical? I think not. I choose to see it as I am growing and expanding my horizons at your expense. :)

So, I had a dream last night that I was fighting in a "Red Dawn" type scenario.  I am riding in a truck with my father while he is comparison shopping gas prices.  Upon finding the lowest price, my father threw me out of  a moving truck to distract the Japs (no racism intended... apparently the villans in my dreams were from John Wayne movies). The idea of low priced gas was obviously motive enough to sacrifice his youngest. As I tucked and rolled  into the dark night woods, he yelled for me to go into a cabin and make toast.  Now, I am not a therapist...but I am sure there is a meaning hidden in there somewhere besides that I need to share my drugs. In reality, I don't do drugs nor advocate the use of anything illegal. All of my drugs are legally prescribed to me by a licensed professional.

I woke up craving toast.

Blogging - Day 1

Ok. I am being forced into the world of blogging by my sweet and loving family. I don't blog, never have and I don't even really get the draw to it all. I also don't "tweet " for the same reason. I don't think the world wants to know that I am eating a buffalo chicken sub. I really consider it that I am saving you from an over dose of mediocrity.  No offense to the previous bloggers that blazed the way but, I have always viewed it as um a kinda flashy "look at me"tactic. I have issues with anyone that looks at me. Suddenly I feel exposed.

Glimpse in my mind: Oh no.. now they are all looking at me. Do they think that I think I am the shit? Do they see that I have a crooked smile? Shit, is something in my teeth? Wait, am I staring at her boobs...oh God I hope no one noticed. Are they still looking at me? Fuck, is my skirt stuck in my panties? Do they notice I'm nervous? Did he just laugh at me or was it with me? Did I even say anything funny? Have I stood here long enough to not be labeled a weird-o and can now hide behind the curtains?

This is the sad but true reality that is in my mind for being watched. But, I have a voice and a pretty unusual opinion on things. I haven't always been understood. But today, I will begin to write down some of my crazy thoughts. Im gonna throw it against the wall and see if it sticks. If it does.. then its ready.