No one told me

If I could prepare anyone for living with the same issues that I battle with every minute of every day,   I would tell them how things will be different.  I would tell them to think outside of what you were taught.  I would tell them that using your teeth becomes imperative and learning to do it while no one watches is the challenge.  Anything you used to do with that affected hand will have to be done by the good hand now.  Your other arm, the not affected arm, will get so tired it will make your whole body exhausted because it is doing the duty of 2 now.  I wish that I had had someone to turn to. I wish a therapist or doctor would have supported me and helped me through this terrible time. None of the doctors helped me. None of the therapists did any benefit in my recovery. They did more harm than anything positive. They told me I was damaged and mentally slower. They told me that I needed to accept that I would never drive a car or hold a full time job again. They told me that I needed to accept being mentally handicapped. One particular horrible occupational therapist named Carolyn at Lakeview Neuro Rehab insisted that I was mentally broken now.  She gave me an IQ test 3 weeks after having a major stroke.  She did this because she said I needed to accept my fate and to stop being so defiant and arrogant. She talked to other therapists about me in front of me referring to my diminished mental state. She treated me like a non-human.  She was terrible and the worst person I have ever met. When she asked me what my long term goal was I told her it was to flip her off with my left hand. For everyone she ever destroyed with her venom…I wish her nothing but a terrible and negative future.

What I found out through my own research was that there are helping aides for people like me. There are special can openers and nifty cutting boards with spikes to hold items down.  There are little tricks to learn in order to still do things a little easier.  But, some things still and always will be an issue. Things that are a struggle to do and to figure out with pre thought how to handle things in any situation.
These are some:

• Putting on mittens, gloves, socks
• Buttoning and zipping  your pants, shirts, coats
• Bras.  Anything that needs fastening, tying  or pulling over the head tightly 
• Pulling sleeves down (especially with tight shirts)
• For girls:  doing your hair ie: ponytail, braid, trimming yours or others hair; putting hair in rollers, curling iron, flat iron
• Cutting round objects ie: tomatoes, they squish; hard objects like onions or apples roll fast so you risk the finger chop
• Cutting meats
• Peeling cucumbers, potatoes, apples
• Carry a large hot/boiling pot of water to drain in the sink
• Making a snow ball
• Bike riding
• Playing sports like “catch” with your kids or badminton, baseball, volleyball
• Go swimming in deep water where you have to tread water
• Going to a water park or amusement park where you need to hold on for the ride (I’ve almost become a statistic with this one… scary)
• Writing a note on a little post it or scrap of paper
• Shaving your arm pit
• Opening and applying a band aid, pad, panty liners... anything really in a plastic cover
• Rubbing lotion on your other arm
• Jewelry: bracelets/ watches that attach, necklaces, earrings with backs
• Painting your nails on other hand or even filing them
• Carry the  laundry basket upstairs/downstairs
• Tying on/ putting on your shoes or clothes (especially in public)
• Buckle the strap on a pair of dainty heels 
• Holding a delicate little baby
• Opening a bottle, jar, can of anything, yogurt, applesauce
• When someone hands you a pill and a drink to take it with at the same time
• Buffet lines for food. Carrying a plate and serving yourself
• Parties where you hold your plate and eat while socializing
• Getting blood pressure checked on arm filled with spacisity.  They usually will get inaccurate readings so offer other arm automatically. Same with blood draws.
• Typing

It took years of occupational, physical and speech therapy.  I had to regain my balance and to pay extra attention to my left side. I had to remember how to lift my foot when walking and to not mis- judge and walk into a door frame.   I had to re learn how to kiss.  I had to learn how to swallow properly.  Most of these I learned myself and through life lessons, not from any therapists.  I would tell the younger me not to listen to any of the negative disparaging things that doctors and therapists say to me about my future.  I would tell myself to only focus on the blessings of surviving that I got to see my children grow and to always follow your gut. Remember that you are a survivor. You are stronger than you ever imagined you could be.  Sometimes surviving IS the only option